The other day I was listening to some talk radio on the way home. I don’t listen to much political talk as it often results in high blood pressure, but I do like to keep up with the current events, even if it’s just the basics. Phil Valentine, a local talk show host, was discussing the recent NFL situation where the athletes were refusing to come out and stand for the national anthem.
He was discussing how some guy, possibly the leader of the NFL organization (hell if I know), was saying how this all was out of his control and he did not state one way or the other how the individual teams should behave.
Without even realizing it, this gentleman admitted a fatal flaw in his character. He, being the figurehead and leader of the organization, let go of the reins and allowed those under him to run amok. As most of our readers in the USA already know, this has resulted in a lot of political posturing, virtue signaling, and distraction from what is supposed to be an enjoyable pastime, not that I give a rat’s ass about professional sports one way or another and think it’s a distraction from your own life.
Phil Valentine succinctly stated that if you aren’t leading, then you will be led and he couldn’t be more right. This breakdown in leadership we’re seeing within the NFL should serve as a reminder to all men, that failure to keep a firm hold of the reins within their own realms of influence will inevitably lead to chaos and disorder.
Nature Abhors a Vacuum
Cliches are typically rooted in universal truths and this one is no different. Nature does indeed abhor a vacuum. Wherever there is an empty space, nature swiftly moves in to fill in the gaps with whatever it has at its disposal. This can be observed on a social level as well. If we look at history, whenever a leader dies, is killed, or simply steps down, other groups quickly swoop in to try and fill the position and enact their own agendas. This typically leads to violence and the misery of the subjects as they huddle in fear, waiting to see who the victor will be.
This holds true on a micro level as well. Within your own family, if you shirk your masculine duties nature will fill in the vacuum with the next best thing at its disposal, in this case, your wife. Now while this isn’t a death sentence for your family, it will cause certain problems that could be easily avoided that would make for a happier and healthier family unit.
Statistically speaking, men are more proactive, assertive, decisive, and confident than women. It is in our biology to lead. Women are typically make better supporters, backing their man up and doing what they can to see his vision through. While the husband/father rallies the forces (family), the wife/mother works best behind the scenes tending to the troops and making sure their needs are being met so they are at fighting strength at all times. They can also be called upon for counsel when multiple solutions to a problem are available. A good wife has the respect of his husband and he leans on her for her advice before making large decisions.
Steps to Leading
To be a strong, effective leader you must possess a few key traits. Without these traits, your leadership will be (rightly) questioned.
- Be Proactive: You must have the wisdom to recognize problems looming over the horizon. A lot of this comes with time and experience, but only if you are astute and pay attention to the cause and effects of similar situations. If you just shrug your shoulders and don’t learn from your mistakes, you will be doomed to repeat them.
- Be Assertive: If you see a problem looming over the horizon, you must step up and let others know before your group is blindsided. Sitting there staying quiet does no one any good. Attack the problem head on when it’s still a small issue and it won’t develop into a big one.
- Be Decisive: Thoroughly researching a problem before acting is prudent, but once you set on a course of action, the time for deliberation is over. Don’t hem and haw over what you think you should do. You have your plan, now make it happen! If further down the road it’s obvious the plan isn’t working, step back, assess the problem again, and decide on a new course of action.
- Be Confident: No one will follow a leader who isn’t assured in his own success. You must be confident in your decisions and believe they will work. If you are experienced and have done your research on the situation, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be confident in your course of action.
A problem we face as a society is too many men complaining about their lot in life without making any meaningful effort to correct their trajectory. Their marriages are in shambles, their kids are little demons, and they are pushed to the back-burner while their wife and kids wants and need take center stage. As the rightful leader of your family, this is unacceptable behavior.
A saying I’m quite fond of is “If you can change a situation or circumstance, stop complaining about it and go change it. If you can’t change said situation, there’s not point in complaining.” In this same vein of thought, if some basic assertiveness on your part could fix an issue in your marriage or family but you don’t step up, then you only have yourself to blame.
If your wife is leading your family and things aren’t going well, well….you know who’s really at fault.