- Frame is fluid and will find its own level when a deficit or a surplus of will is applied to change it. The forces that influence that lack or boost of will is irrelevant – just know that the conditions of an operative framework will shift because of them. -Rollo Tomassi
I write this article as a bit of a field report but more so as a way for me to explain something that can be lost on red pilled men, especially married ones. Frame is something that you must control for yourself, but the frame of your marriage, and who is in control of that frame sets the standard for a healthy or decaying relationship.
I was thinking about personal frame as of late and how there seems to be a reciprocating theme that leads to frame, and it is codependent on other things. For me, frame is built only after two other things are achieved.
Self improvement comes first. You need to do things that make you better than you were yesterday. These are usually things that suck (quitting smoking or taking on a new responsibility at work.) The key thing here is that you need to be on the path to self improvement instead of destruction. You have to realize that it needs to be YOU that makes the decisions in your life, and only you can decide where to take that. When you’re self destructive, it should lead to shame which is the antithesis of my next part of the triangle; confidence.
Self improvement and accomplishing your goals makes you feel good and confident. Shit like having good posture and looking people in the eye help, but you have to fuel confidence with achievements. When you are killing it at the gym, eating clean, leveling up in your career etc., you’re internally validating yourself and making changes for the better. When you prove to your subconscious that you’re the shit, it starts displaying itself outwardly. Other people pick up on it but that only matters in the next part of the triangle; frame
Frame to me is measured in how you deal with external tests. These can be obligations, shit tests, or personal failure. The strength of your frame is shown by how you handle these external situations based how you handle yourself. If your wife is going crazy and you’re calm and cool, your frame wasn’t shattered. If your boss dumps a ton of shit on you and you kill it, your frame held up. Frame is really a modern version of stoicism which every man should practice.
One thing to remember is that the triangle of frame isn’t a linear path, but a circuit. Your self improvement lead to confidence which lead to a strong frame, but guess what? That strong frame leads you to be better equipped for things in life, which is in itself, self improvement.
Lets apply my theory to three scenarios:
Scenario 1: Fitness
You decide you want to make a positive change in your life by getting into better shape. This falls under self improvement as you’ve taken a step toward making yourself healthier and stronger, something every man should be.
Fast forward a few months to a years time. You’ve been eating right and following a plan, staying committed. You feel great, you’re getting compliments and you’re seeing your body change. This builds confidence. This confidence carries over into other parts of your life. Your wife is noticing your body changing and your better overall mood. Now here is the kicker…
Frame is built by this confidence. You are with the wife and she wants to eat some shitty food or tells you not to lift and hang out with her instead. Since you’ve made yourself better, then more confident, your frame should be pointing you to say “No” to her. At first she may complain, but she’ll respect your frame more than ever if you don’t cave. I’ve had my own wife tell me “you have the willpower of a god.” Your decision to stick to your diet and program when tempted lead to self improvement, and the process begins all over again.
Scenario 2: Career
Say you work a shitty job or one that doesn’t pay you what you are worth. You can be a corporate zombie or burger flipper and just “get by” but one day you decide to go down the path of self improvement. You may start taking night classes or get a certification in your field. This level of success in self improvement give you confidence to take on more and thus the balls to ask for more money from your current employer, or find a new one that will compensate you for what you’re worth.
The key here is that you should now have the frame to stand your ground and demand the money you deserve. If you can get through the interview (another shit test) with an impenetrable frame, you get your money. More money should lead to more self improvement. (bigger house, taking trips with the family etc)
Scenario 3: Being more outgoing
Say you’re a guy who is the one sulking in the corner or hiding in the back of a social gathering. Maybe you’re the guy who cant make eye contact with people. You want to be that social guy, so you decide to change.
You force yourself to improve your speaking skills with strangers. It can start with talking to the cashier at the coffee shop or the guy in the elevator. You force yourself into an uneasy but beneficial situation that leads to self improvement. You then become more bold when in a work meeting or at a party, speaking your mind and not giving a fuck about what others think about you. Then it happens.
Someone gives you shit or you fuck something up and suddenly all eyes are on you. That frame needs to be on point and you gotta roll with it, engage and show that they don’t get to control your narrative. Own your weakness/fuck up and keep moving.
Kill Inaction and Speaking Up
If you really look at the core of the message I’m trying to convey here its that you must kill inaction with action. Procrastination and being idle are toxic to a man. If you want a change in your life and you look to others to hold your hand and take you there you’re going to fail.
You have to know who you are, know what you want out of your life, and go out there and get it. Even if you’ve never tried to improve your life, confidence, and frame you have to start right this second. Ask yourself:
Who am I and what are my weaknesses? I accept that these are my weaknesses, so lets make a plan on fixing them.
I’m telling you that even just this simple question to yourself will get the gears turning toward cultivating real confidence and frame in the long run. The only one stopping you from living the life you want to live is yourself, so get off your ass, suck it up and do something to make it what you know you want it to be.