“A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”
Following close on the footsteps of Level 3, Level 4 is about conditioning your wife to accept things on your terms. Think of it as a Level 3: Part 2, if you will. Between work, the gym, your various hobbies and adventures, and hustling on the side, you don’t have time for petty emotional games and it’s time to let your wife know that. This isn’t about being vindictive, intentionally spiteful, or a bully. This is about having dignity and not tolerating disrespectful behavior. If you are treating your wife the way you would like to be treated, then there’s no excuse for her to be trying to manipulate/guilt/shame you in order to get her way. Your both adults and you both should be acting as such.
A lot of the mindset principles in this section come straight out of Level 1 (dealing with shit tests) so this should come somewhat naturally at this point, provided you’re giving each level its proper due diligence.
When most people think of someone being available, they think of time. Do you have time to spend with said person?
In this instance however, availability encompasses many different aspects in regards to your relationship with your wife. Here are just a few:
- Time availability
- Sexual/Physical availability
- Emotional availability
Let’s dig into these different types of availabilities and determine how and when they are best utilized.
This is the most common type of availability people think of and also the easiest to explain. Simply put, if your wife is constantly shit testing you, being inattentive, or just generally unpleasant, withdraw your time from her. Go out to the bar for a drink by yourself, go workout at the gym, call up and buddy and go hang out with him for a bit; anything to get out of the house and away from the wife.
The key is to not make a big deal out of this. Do not be spiteful and tell your way that you’re going to the bar because she has a bitchy attitude. That merely undermines the goal as she now knows the game you are playing.
Rather, take on an air of disinterest as if you are bored (this ties in well to the Amused Mastery principle). Get up out of the blue and tell her you’re leaving for a bit. Answer any follow up questions flatly and matter-of-factly. This is important as any hint of anger in your voice will betray your true intentions. Remember: You’re bored and looking for something fun to do, not angry and trying to teach your wife a lesson. Stay in your frame and don’t get dragged down to hers.
Let’s be real for a second here: Women are masters at this realm of conditioning. They use it on men all the time to get what they want. Well now it’s your turn to use her own tools against her.
This tactic works best if you’re already regularly physical with your wife. Flirt with her, smack her ass as you walk past her, cop a feel when she’s not expecting it, get busy in the bedroom on a regular basis. In short, make physical and sexual contact a frequent occurrence then, when the time comes, withdraw that interaction. Again, this must not be done in a malicious way, but from a stance of disinterest. The laser dot no longer amuses the cat so he moves on until he’s ready to play again.
Emotional availability bleeds into many of the other types of availability, but also is uniquely different. It’s really quite intuitive; just be there -emotionally- for your wife. If she needs a shoulder to cry on, you’re there. If she’s had a rough day at work, you let her vent. If she’s being fun and flirty, you reciprocate.
As women are emotional creatures, being emotionally available for your wife is one of the most critical pieces of the puzzle. While men tend to connect to their spouse through more physical means, everything a woman does stems from how it affects them emotionally. It’s also why being emotionally unavailable is one of the most devastating things you can deprive your wife of. This should never be done for a long period of time as it can begin to cause a rift between you and your wife. I find this useful for brief instances in conversation; a hot/cold approach on a micro scale.
Conclusion: Walking the Tightrope
Withdrawing your availability, in any fashion, from your wife is a balancing act and should never be used for the purposes of getting even with her. Rather, this is to subtly condition her to understand which behaviors are and are not acceptable. Every time you pull away from her, she should feel a twinge of panic and begin seeking your approval again.
“Severities should be dealt out all at once, so that their suddenness may give less offense; benefits ought to be handed ought drop by drop, so that they may be relished the more.”
Of course, this only works if you’re properly and earnestly implementing the prior levels of Dread Game and she sees you as the head of the family, the man in charge. If she doesn’t look up to you, withdrawing your availability from her will likely either backfire or have zero effect.
On the flip side, begin looking for instances where your wife is employing these very tactics against you. Recognize them for what they are and counter accordingly.
Love is a battlefield after all and those with the deeper understanding of Machiavellian tactics will have the upper hand. Most importantly, you must praise and reward your wife for the good that she does. To only discipline her for the shortcomings puts you in the position of a hated tyrant, not a good position for a harmonious marriage. Reserve the withdrawals only for serious grievances.
Stay tuned for our next article in the series which is sure to be a fun one and not as deep.